lesson #46: "When i was young and stupid" goes on til i die...

Back awhile ago i went back home to Indonesia.. and of course, friends and places reminded me of memories that are forever sketched in my mind.. some made me giggle, thinkin of how young n stupid i was.. until i realized that i might not have moved on from that state...

i, like other guys, had my fair share of crushes n all.. and, like other guys, i acted upon them automatically - or so i would say.. interestingly, once i've managed to knock myself conscious in the middle of these kind of "problems", i've realized that i tend to repeat the things i've done in the past - the things i've considered stupid and the things i've laughed about myself... looks like i gotta learn somethin from donkeys...

since the paragraph above might not be effective into puttin things into context, i might as well mention a few things about myself.. and maybe, u'd get the idea... (for the guys, this might jus be a refresher..)

when i had (i don't dare use a present tense lest i put myself in awkward situations) a crush, i (think that i) usually:
- try my luck n appear at (normal) locations where i can get a glimpse of her (stalking??..mmm.. not really, i think..)
- try to find out about the girl in my free time (c'mon, she might not be the love of my life anyway..)
- try to make subtle contact with the her (ok, she's gotta be someone i know, right?)
- if i dun know the girl, then it'll jus be eye contact... (makes sense, no?..)
- start writin wat i feel n think in my diary.. (alright, i've got my own personal diary, so wat?..)
- play the thoughts in my head when i'm daydreamin..
- calculate the odds of somethin serious happenin between me n her... if it's likely to get serious, i'd usually pull out.. if it ain't gonna be significant, then i usually go on to make a (stupid) unpredictable move, hopin it would beat those romantic catch-phrases in the movies.. (sometimes it works, sometimes it don't, but i'd have nothin to lose...)
- end up bein jus friends...

and man, i sounded damn predictable... trust me, this cycle had been repeated about half a dozen times.. (or more?).. anyway, the point is, i've only realized this sometime about a month ago.. and only then did i manage to break the cycle somewhere before i did somethin stupid.. and it was really interesting to realize that u can sometimes be sorta unconscious while u're awake - and more importantly, before u make a mistake..(and that might jus be the right time to bail out...)

"When i was young and stupid" goes on til i die.. Maybe we outta be more conscious of what we're doin - jus so we don't make the same mistake unconsciously.