lesson #49: A crush is an opportunity... to train self-control

i've lived for 22 years now.. nearly 23..
and in that many years, i realized that as a guy, i've liked many girls.. "crushes", they call it..
they're exciting at 1st.. i feel attraction n enthusiasm.. that rush of happiness when i see the girl.. and further excitement on what to do so that i can have a longer time with her..
well, until you realize she ain't the one for you..

haha.. maybe you guys know it too..
i think it's only human to feel that attraction for the opposite sex..

so what's the matter?

well, sensing that i might get married somewhere down these 10 years, i tried to learn as much as i can about how i can find "the one" and prepare for the next step.. and as much as i've read from books, sought advice from my parents and others, and reflected myself, i came to my conclusion that as for me - with all my circumstances - this is not the right time for me to commit to any serious man-woman relationship..

(digressing a little.. i jus realized a possible reason why boy-girl relationships don't sound that accurate.. mm.. maybe cuz serious relationships ain't meant for boys n girls.. they're meant for those adults who think, act, and have responsibility capabilities like adults.. men n women.. )

and...
comin back..

so i set my mindset that i will not enter a serious relationship until i'm 27 years old..
funny? strange? well, i can defend my case with living evidence of people who have raised brilliant God-fearing families.. and though a start does not determine the end, a good start in marriage might help ease the following years of marriage..

(marriage in my definition means somethin like the committed unity between a man and a woman in front of God and society.. )

so now i think God wants me to do (a LOT of) other things other than a serious relationship.. and i feel peace with myself although i see many friends have sought out to find their partners since some time ago.. (honestly, i don't think they're all wrong.. well. i shouldn't judge people, anyway..)

the important thing is, i'm ok with my status right now..

but there's a problem: my crushes still come.. and go..

and because i'm a Christian, i started lookin for answers by askin the one who might know things: GOD.. (well, if He doesn't know, hell, i don't know who does..)

WHY do i still have crushes? If i'm meant to pursue relationships later in life, WHY am i feeling all these things? Are they real? Are they right? Are they normal? Cuz if they are, then WHY is GOD putting all these temptations around me? Is this a want or a need? Does He have fun seein me deprive myself of somethin?

after about a year of askin this intensely, i figured i might've gotten an answer..

so this is what i think:

1. Having a "crush" is normal.. well, at least for guys, cuz that's the only viewpoint i can see from.. it makes me human.. it means i have emotions n feelings.. it means i need people n that i'm attracted to the opposite sex.. in fact, it's kinda beautiful cuz you realize that life becomes a lot more interesting with the presence of emotions..

2. Since it is normal, a "crush" will not stop once i marry someone.. i've asked married people, and yes, they still feel an attraction to people other than their spouses.. hence, marriage isn't gonna erase crushes anyway.. it's there for forever..

3. Since crushes can surface at any time in our lives on earth, i jus gotta live with it, even through my marriage in the future.. now this means that during my marriage, i must live with it ("crushes") and control myself from expressing my feelings about it or acting upon it.. this is probably done by diverting more attention to my spouse.. and driven by my love and commitment for my wife.. (with the ring as a reminder).. the thing is, i don't know how this love works.. so i'll continue to check on that..

4. Since i'm gonna have to control my feelings (and crushes) in my marriage in the future, then maybe the present crushes are my opportunities to train myself in the area of self-control.. i'd like to use the term "suppressing my feelings" but i've also realized that suppressing feelings might be like storing up emotions in a piggybank: once full, it might crack.. so maybe i outta channel that energy to other things that might benefit other people and myself.. hence train myself to disperse "crush energy" - which might come in handy when i'm already livin with my beloved wife..
(well, that's assumin you're gonna get married..)

well...
so there it is..
the answer to my own questions..

and as much as i gotta live with the hurt whenever i know i can't act upon my crush, i can at least know that i'm doin it so that later on in life, i'll be used to doin it when i've made a commitment to love "that one woman in my life"...

A crush is an opportunity to train self-control. If you know how to handle it now, you'll probably know how to handle it later on in life.